Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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