I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
