Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
