I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
