absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
