At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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