it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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