Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
