so that wasnt chicken after all
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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