She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
