i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
