tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
