I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
