May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
