A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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