what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
