dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
