u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
