im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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