Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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