dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
