i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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