I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
