my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
