I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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