I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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