Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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