This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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