you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
