i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The struggles of a small town man whore
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize