Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
