I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
