Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
