How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
