you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
