He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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