Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
