I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
