I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
