I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
