I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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