would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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