Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
