i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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