like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
