Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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