i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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