I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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