I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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