I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
