I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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