So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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