There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
