wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
