I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize