i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
foreskin is a definite game changer
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize