Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize