My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
