Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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