At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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