Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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