Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
