Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
