How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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