I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
