you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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