Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
