Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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