you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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