i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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