I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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