You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
