Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
