how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
