i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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