Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
