hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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