nut hugger
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
