Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
