The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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