do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
