Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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