Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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