If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Acid is not a monday night drug
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
