Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
